These days, all I do is sit around and let my mind wander, reminiscing about the good old days ( while Andy Bernard from The Office pops up in my head ) and pondering about the way things were. I then make an account of all the things I’ve taken for granted and heave out a huge sigh, wishing that things would somehow get back to the norm. These are dark times, with each and every one of us having to deal with already existent problems plus the new ones brought about courtesy of the coronavirus. It’s hard to be happy at this moment, but what I’ve learned during quarantine is to find joy in the little things, right now and in the past. ( I’m sorry but I love a good cliché ). This brings me to the question(s) - why do human beings realize the value of things only once it’s been taken away? Why can’t we cherish and enjoy good company then and there and be wholly present? Must a traumatic experience be a turning point in learning to appreciate certain entities?
Joy to me is having the immense satisfaction of finishing a workout, waking up from a nap and feeling energized and ready to tackle anything coming my way, making up lost time with my family, getting an “I thought you’d like this meme/song” text from a friend, the smell of hot filter coffee wafting out of the kitchen in the morning, the taste of sweet mangoes in my mouth after eating it in the messiest manner possible, parking the car without any hiccups, mannu vaasanai and the rain following it, leaving home drastically late and somehow making it to college on time, having someone remember a minute detail of mine that I’d forgotten, realizing that I still know the lyrics to an old song, the feeling of cold seawater on my feet, feeling the wind on my face on the back of a motorbike and thinking I’m in a movie, having a deep conversation and knowing that something of substance was discussed, falling asleep in class without getting caught but at the same time admiring professors for the passion with which they teach, crossing things off of my to-do list even if it’s something extremely minor, writing the last exam of the academic year, eating so much that I slip into a food coma, looking at old pictures of my grandparents and realizing how cool they are, performing that wake up stretch first thing in the morning, recounting funny incidents during school which result in collective nostalgia, catching up with a friend and connecting again, being extremely excited the day before travelling, the feeling of cold, silky sheets on my legs after I’ve shaved, shaming but secretly laughing at dad jokes, sitting on my swing alone with my thoughts, cleaning while blasting music which makes work get done quicker somehow, wearing a sari and feeling good about myself, getting that perfect winged eyeliner right, impromptu plans to eat out in college, awwing at videos of babies and animals, that bittersweet feeling washing upon me once I finish a TV series, finally understanding a concept and thinking about how the pieces fall into place, genuinely putting effort into my work and seeing the rewards morph into fruition, hanging out with my cousins while we play cards and simultaneously try to weed out the cheaters, embarking on a meme spiral and laughing until my stomach hurts, watching my friends learn, grow and do amazing things, checking in on myself from time to time, going back to school and reliving every memory, baking cakes and leaving it all for myself, sunday mornings at Marina and Sangeetha, awaiting my cousins’ arrival from all the way across the world every year, going to the mall for the sole purpose of window shopping, belting songs at the top of my lungs while on a drive, thinking about the future and all I want to achieve, visiting others during Navarathiri and catching up, ever so rarely going to the temple and drinking sweet theertham, receiving compliments out of the blue, making a baby laugh uncontrollably, having a cat randomly curl up against you, petting each and every dog I encounter, watching the sun rise and feeling so at peace, fighting with all my might to stay up at a sleepover, having a makeover session which almost always ends up being a hilarious fail, rewatching my favourite movie and loving it as much as I did the first time, sitting on the terrace and witnessing the fireworks on Deepavali, finishing a good book and feeling so lost for the next few days, finding out that someone else has the same specific weird, random taste as me and bonding over it and sticking my tongue out in the rain and closing my eyes.
I’ve been breaking my head this past week, thinking about how I should end this piece if you will. I’m not sure if this stems from the fact that I’ve been experiencing a mental block or because I’ve just decided to make it cathartic by saying that there is no ending to such a list.